Temps Lie

ChowChow BioEngineering Student

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
ashiftiperson:

amtrax:

needs-more-pony:

raptorjesusbearcavalry:

blueshogun96:

getoveryourselflady:

Per the man law code and if not it should be


I applaud this.

Ok so it was nice of him to do that and all, but are we just gonna ignore how fucking INGENIOUS it was for him to put it under the toilet seat?

Like, I’m simultaneously mad at the girl for cheating, impressed with the decency of the guy letting the boyfriend know, and blown away with the creativity of the placing the note there.
Many mixed feelings.

That’s not just the bro code.  That’s just the right fucking thing to do.

ashiftiperson:

amtrax:

needs-more-pony:

raptorjesusbearcavalry:

blueshogun96:

getoveryourselflady:

Per the man law code and if not it should be

I applaud this.

Ok so it was nice of him to do that and all, but are we just gonna ignore how fucking INGENIOUS it was for him to put it under the toilet seat?

Like, I’m simultaneously mad at the girl for cheating, impressed with the decency of the guy letting the boyfriend know, and blown away with the creativity of the placing the note there.

Many mixed feelings.

That’s not just the bro code.  That’s just the right fucking thing to do.

(via sodamnrelatable)

I am a friend, comrades, a friend!

Yuri Gagarin’s first words upon returning to earth, to a woman and a girl near where his capsule landed. (12 April 1961) The woman asked: “Can it be that you have come from outer space?” to which Gagarin replied: "As a matter of fact, I have!" (via asonlynasacan)

Reblogging again for today’s historical significance

(via asonlynasacan)

(Source: billionquotes.com, via secretporcupine)

jtotheizzoe:

theparisreview:

“Jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down.” The secret of life and love, according to Ray Bradbury. (via)

"[Ray] makes the future now by the way he writes and by his awareness of… vitality." Yes, yes he does.

I could watch this every day. Simply brilliant stuff from Mr. Bradbury.

Accompany this with Ray reading his beautiful poem “If Only We Had Taller Been” alongside Carl Sagan and Arthur C. Clarke…